Relationships evolve, alter, and occasionally shatter as a result of unspoken anxieties and unsatisfied desires. As open marriages and alternative relationship patterns gain popularity, many people who pursue them may not fully understand what they’re getting into – or the emotional effect that can result. A woman unintentionally became involved in a love triangle. The consequences pushed her to question everything she thought she knew.
“I said ‘yes’ because I loved him.” When my husband first mentioned the concept of an open marriage, it seemed like the bottom fell out from under me. It was not a discourse; it was an ultimatum. Open marriage or divorce. I loved him. I still do. So, I said sure. An unforeseen twist of fate. For the first few months, I hardly dipped my toe into the dating scene. I ultimately met someone. And not just anyone: Ben, my husband’s best buddy. Six months later, we began dating.
At first, it seemed innocuous. Ben was pleasant, attentive, and familiar in ways that only someone who understands your family can be. We went out several times. We kissed. My husband despised it, but remained mute. But somewhere along the process, it stopped feeling like an experiment and instead felt like a bond. I didn’t anticipate Ben to come over one evening and drop a bombshell on me.
A confession and the aftermath. Last week, Ben sat in our living room — the same area where he’d spent holidays and birthdays with us — and said the words that broke the illusion of control: “I’ve always been in love with you. Even before all of this. My husband’s face drained of color as I watched. He was silent at first, but it did not last. He stood up, infuriated. Accusing Ben of treason, waiting, and taking advantage of the circumstances. I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t know.
He wants me back, but can we ever go back? Later that night, my husband had a breakdown. He said he had made a mistake, that he never imagined I would meet someone else, especially someone so close. He stated he was afraid of losing me for good. He wants to sort things out. He tells us we can go back. End the marriage. Heal and try again. But, can we?
I’m split between loyalty and feelings. I never intended to injure anyone. Not my hubby, nor Ben. I followed my heart as best I could in a scenario I never asked for. But now I’m left with the parts of two relationships, and I’m not sure which, if any, can be put back together.
